So you are at the bar with your friends talking shop, but you are worried that instead of being #extreme #epic #wanderlust your latest adventure was just #average? Don’t worry, our simple Top 10 guide to making your trip way more extreme than it should be will keep this from every happening again!
10. Use a ton of adverbs when describing the trip. Fact: no one actually understands what an adverb is. Drinking alcohol exacerbates this problem. Just put an -ly on whatever verb you feel like and everyone will basically assume you did that action really awesome-ly.
9. Change your cell service to T-mobile. This will ensure that you will never have cell service anywhere, making it way easier to brag about how you didn’t have cell service where you were adventuring.
8. Buy shoes that are the wrong size. Everyone hates blisters. Showing off your torn up feet will make you look way more boss.
7. Go to places in the wrong season. Why not climb up that mountain when it is 70 degrees and be happy when you can intentionally attack it at the worse possible time.
6. Forget important items. You know what sounds harder than hiking with a map? Hiking without a map. Same goes for tents, sleeping bags, pads, and hiking poles.
5. Tack on tons of really terrible, boring miles. Sure you could park near by and spend all your time exploring the best parts of the wilderness area, but should you? No way! People at home will think it sounds way tougher when you describe the 20 mile walk it took to get there, and they’ll never know that there was a trailhead closer.
4. Take your friends places they aren’t ready for. You might kill someone you care about, but think about how cool you’ll sound when you tell everyone that you had to carry a bunch of their stuff because the hike was hard. Who cares that they’ll be super embarrassed and probably never go hiking again?
3. Don’t bring enough food or water. You know what sounds super tough? When your trip is so hard that you run out of water. No one needs to know that the only reason you ran out is because you are an idiot.
2. Bring way too much stuff. Carrying heavy things sounds hard. So, if you want to sound tough, make sure to bring way too much stuff so you can brag/complain about your pack weight all the time. Consider mixing this with numbers 3 and 6 for optimal results.
1. Lie. If that guy you saw tossing back PBRs all night Friday is claiming he turned around and did some epic loop Saturday, he is probably lying. Why shouldn’t you just lie too?
Conversely, you could just stop comparing yourself to everyone else and find a way to be happy with your own accomplishments. Your call though.
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Max Wilson is a graduate student studying ecology at Arizona State University. You can follow him on twitter @maxomillions. Don’t forget you can follow Lesser Places by email, or on Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram using the menu at the top of the page.